Sonic: Western Style!
by Hypo Prower
Summary: Parody! Join the adventures of Sonic the Cowhog, his Indian sidekick Tails, and Knuckles, his trusty steed! Yeah, it's a Western story, but it's still pretty much Sonic. Rated for saloons and guns.
1. Welcome to Ghostown, Sheriff

A dense fog had settled into the dry, sandy horizon of Ghostown. The sun beat down harder than Vector on a drum set. It was about midday when three figures appeared on the horizon: a blue hedgehog wearing a cowboy hat, a vest, and a gun at his side; a yellow-orange two-tailed fox wearing a headband with a feather as well as a brown vest; and a red echidna that the two others rode on.

As they emerged from the dust and into the small town, the hedgehog mopped the sweat from his brow. "Let's get us a drink," he told the two others.

On the left side of town, there sat a saloon. It was called "The Apparition Saloon", named after Ghostown. Everything was normal in the saloon; business was bustling as usual. Suddenly, the door was kicked in by a cowboy boot wearing a pointy spinny thing on it. And in strode in the blue hedgehog and the fox.

The two sat down at the bar as a pink hedgehog wearing her spines in a braided ponytail came over to them. "Y'all new in Ghostown?" she asked.

The blue hedgehog nodded. "Yup. Mah name's Sonic the Cowhog. This here is Tails, mah Indian sidekick that left his tribe ta help me."

"Y'all got a horse?" the pink hedgehog asked. Sonic smirked and thumbed behind his back.

"Out there's Knuckles, my trust steed."

"He is actually an echidna," Tails explained quickly. "But he is good at transportation around the West."

"An echidna who would LOVE to have something to DRINK!" Knuckles shouted from outside the saloon. Sonic rolled his eyes and sighed.

"Ah'ight, get in here," he called back, and Knuckles strode in, heaving himself down onto the bar stool next to Sonic.

"Mah name's Amy," the pink hedgehog said with a wink to Sonic. "It was nice meetin' y'all. I'll getcha's a drink."

Sonic smiled as he looked around The Apparition Saloon. Things were popping. People sat at tables, playing cards and betting rings. Suddenly, three drinks were sent rolling down the bar. Sonic caught his and took a gulp, and much to his pleasure a curtain opened up onstage and a band began playing.

The main singer was a crocodile, wearing a top hat and a bow tie. "That's Vector," Amy explained to the three travelers. "Him and his band, the Chaotix, play here a lot fer money."

A purple chameleon began playing the banjo next to Vector, whose name was Espio as Amy had explained. Then a bee started playing some drums in the background. His name was Charmy. Vector also had an armadillo and a squirrel that served as back-up dancers; their names were Mighty and Ray.

"They are good!" Tails marveled, his eyes wide. Knuckles nodded in agreement as he took another swig of ale.

When the band was done playing, many of the people seated up front threw money at them. Vector happily collected it in his hat. "We'll be here all week!" he announced, and the curtain closed.

Amy sighed wistfully. "Folks 'round here are hard pressed fer money nowadays," she commented. Sonic looked at her curiously.

"Why's that?"

"Ah'm why."

The whole saloon got quiet as all attention was turned to a voice in the back of the bar. There sat a black and red hedgehog who was dressed in a black vest, black pants, and black books. He also wore a gun at his side. He tipped his hat up over his eyes and glared at Sonic with his piercing red gaze.

"Who are you?" Sonic asked, hostility growing in his voice. The black hedgehog jumped up and walked slowly over to Sonic, Tails, and Knuckles.

"The name's Shadow. Shadow the Kid," he growled, crossing his arms. "Ah take money from folks 'round here, ever since the sheriff skipped town."

"Why would you do that?" Tails demanded. Sonic jumped off his bar stool and faced Shadow (and it was much to his annoyance that the dark hedgehog was a bit taller than him).

"Y'all wanna fight outside?" he asked. "If ah win, y'all are giving back these folks' money!"

"So be it," Shadow answered, and walked outside. Sonic snorted and followed him out.

When they got outside, they stood facing one another at a distance. "Listen up!" Shadow called to him. "We're both gonna take three paces, and then shoot. Got that?...or did you need to smoke your last cigarette first?"

Sonic rolled his eyes and spun around. "Jes' count off already," he replied. Shadow narrowed his gaze and spun around as well.

"One!"

They took a step.

"Two!"

They lengthened the gap between them.

"Three!"

In a split second, both Sonic and Shadow spun around and drew their weapon. Unfortunately, both were bad shots and missed each other entirely.

Suddenly, Sonic saw a bucket fall from the sky and drop over Shadow. The hedgehog looked up on the roof of a nearby house and saw Tails up there, next to a pile of buckets. Sonic smiled and waved, then dashed over to the bucket and gave it a good kick, which sent Shadow rolling into the sunset.

Amy ran out of the saloon with all the other citizens and clapped and cheered. "Y'all did it!" she cried victoriously and gave Sonic a big hug. Tails and Knuckles returned to Sonic's side and waved at all the cheering people.

"Will you be our sheriff, Sonic?" one of them asked. The hedgehog pondered a moment and then smiled.

"Well, why not? Let's all celebrate! Drinks on me!"

And so, the day seemed to have been saved…but not for long. Elsewhere, Shadow the Kid had escaped from the barrel. "Ah'll get you…Sonic the Cowhog," he muttered.


	2. Railroads, Squirrels, and Hedgehogs

Our story begins in the Apparition Saloon, the bustling little bar in the middle of Ghostown. Everyone was happy that Sonic the Cowhog had been their sheriff for about a month now, and spine nor stripe of Shadow the Kid hadn't been seen since.

Suddenly, the door to the saloon busted open again, interrupting Marine the raccoon table dancer. It was Shadow the Kid, again. Sonic leapt up off his bar stool and glared at the black hedgehog. "Whadd y'all wan't, Shada'?" he growled, crossing his arms.

Shadow smirked evilly. "Awright y'all, listen up!" he announced. "Ah've kidnapped Sally, the fair maid! If y'all wish to save her, then make Sonic give up bein' sheriff, y'hear?!"

Everyone exchanged glances in the saloon, and started cheering and heading for the railroad tracks. Shadow was utterly confused. "Huh?" he asked himself in confusion. Then he smirked. "Oh, ah get it. They must be hurryin' to the railroad tracks ta try and save Sally. Huh, this'll be somethin' ta watch fer sure!"

However, when Shadow arrived that the tracks, all the villagers had set up lawn chairs and had on big foam fingers that read "Sally's death #1!". Shadow walked up to Amy. "Ah don't get it," he told her, confused. Amy chuckled.

"Don'tcha know that everyone hates that dadgum squirrel?" she asked. Sally was tied on the railroad tracks, and broke out in a cold sweat as she heard the train coming.

"Sonic! Someone! Please, help me!" she wailed. Instead, Espio played the Jaws theme on the banjo as the train edged closer and closer to Sally. Her screams only got louder and more desperate, but they couldn't be heard over the "GO! GO!" of the crowd.

Finally, after what seemed to be an eternity, the train squished Sally flatter than a pancake. The whole of Ghostown gave out a cheer (some even shaking Shadow's hand). Then everyone left to get back to their drinks at the Apparition Saloon.

About a week later, a black boot busted through the door to the saloon once more. It was Shadow the Kid again. Tails blinked.

"Kemosabe! It is your archenemy again!" he told Sonic hurriedly. The cowhog blinked.

"Yeah, ah know," he growled. "Are y'all responsible fer why Amy didn't show up fer work t'day?"

Shadow rolled his eyes. "Well, duh," he grinned. "And if ya ever wanna see yer girlfriend again, y'all best better get down to the railroad tracks 'fore the train rolls 'round." And with that, the black and red hedgehog was off.

"Oh, no!" Knuckles said, his eyes wide. "Sonic, that idiot took Amy! What're you gonna do? You'll never get there in time! Amy's gonna be a goner! And she never-"

Sonic cut Knuckles off by shoving him to the ground and sitting on him like a horse. "Ride like the wind, Knuckles!" he called out. The echidna's vein bulged, but he said no more as he and Sonic rode off in the direction of the tracks.

Meanwhile, Tails started sobbing on the bar. "They left me behind…again!" he wailed.

When Sonic and Knuckles arrived at the railroad tracks, Amy was tied to them, and the train was already visible on the horizon. "Sonic!" she yelped when she saw the cowhog. "Help me! Help me, Sonic!" she cried out.

The train was coming faster and faster. Sonic hurried to Amy and tried to untie the ropes, but they were much too thick. "Knuckles! C'mon and help me!" he cried to his steed. The echidna shook his head.

"I'm not stupid enough to step on railroad tracks," he informed Sonic. The train was much too close by now. There was only one thing that Sonic could do. Thinking fast, he curled into a ball and sliced through the ropes, setting Amy free. The pink hedgehog swooned into his arms.

"Thank y'all sooo much!" she said. "Except Knuckles."

The echidna scoffed. "Whatever."

Meanwhile, Shadow saw the whole thing unfold. He clenched his fists. "Blast!" he shouted. "I'll have to destroy that ol' hedgehog some other way…"


End file.
